Our unresolved trauma and emotional pain from childhood is the root of all emotional pain

We may have grown up physically and intellectually but emotionally, we still feel the emotional wounds of our inner child.

No matter how old we are, if our past remains unresolved it will continue to affect our lives until we heal it. To know exactly what’s keeping us stuck, we must communicate with our inner child and find out what we needed when we were young.

Our inner child is a part of us that’s been present ever since we were conceived, through utero and all the developing years after, as we were young and developing into our identity: baby, infant, toddler, young child, and primary school year. The inner child can often recall good experiences as well as childhood fears, traumas, neglect, and significant loss. Each one of us has an “inner child” living inside. You have an inner child, I have an inner child, we all have an inner child.

Our Inner Child is the true heart of our personality and has a profound impact on our lives as a whole. It influences how we express yourselves in the world.

Our Inner child is always communicating with us…we just need to know how to listen.

Our inner child can be calm and content, or it can be in pain. We feel the pain of our inner child when something in your current life resonates with a painful experience from the past. We’ve all experienced overwhelming feelings in our lives where we have overreacted to a situation. These ‘triggers ‘live inside us and are clues to how we’ve been hurt in the past, which still lies unresolved and unseen. All Triggers Live on the inside.

Our ‘triggers’ are our cues to go inside and be with our inner child.

Our children do not trigger us, in fact nobody triggers us, all triggers live on the inside and can be traced back to our inner childhood pain. Anyone and anything that triggers us is helping us to heal from our childhood wounds and reconnecting us with our inner child.

Our feelings are what keep us stuck and most of these feelings are coming from a very young part of ourselves. If our inner child is troubled or in pain we will feel it too. This is the cause of most of the pain we experience in our lives now.

Your inner child (younger you) is still alive in you and much of what you are feeling now is your unresolved, unexpressed and unvalidated emotional pain from the past.

If we’re feeling frustrated or stuck in some aspect of our lives, it’s likely that our inner child is needing some attention.

If the inner child feels upset, as adults, we will feel insecure, disoriented, and disorganised in life. When our inner child feels secure and calm, we will present as, more clear, confident, and comfortable within ourselves.

How do we know if our inner child has unresolved pain or trauma? It can show up in various ways in our lives,

  • Feelings of shame, guilt and/or pain.
  • Chronic overworking and needing to achieve (to get approval or belonging).
  • Inability to be present in the moment.
  • Regular anxiety and fear.
  • Rigid and trying to be “perfect” (cannot handle failure).
  • Difficulty noticing and celebrating “wins” in life (no win will ever be enough).
  • Unhealthy relationship patterns and/or avoiding relationships and love.
  • Self-sabotage and obsessive/addictive behaviours.
  • Image
  • Rumination and negative self-talk.

Wounded parents-Wounded child

When we are younger we don’t know how to understand our feelings and sometimes we don’t have the words to express them, or we don’t have the permission to feel them. We rely on our caregivers to show us what to do with our feelings and how to feel about ourselves. If they were incapable of helping us to do that in healthy and supportive ways, then we learn to push our needs and our feelings down inside of us and conclude that what we feel and who we are is, wrong or not important.

When our feelings are never noticed, criticised, or invalidated, it’s as if we don’t matter.

This can often leave children feeling like there is something wrong with them. We then blame ourselves, feeling like we are bad, unimportant, and unlovable. All of this, combined with not enough positive attention, praise, recognition, affection, and validation, lead us to develop negative and limiting beliefs about ourselves regarding our worth.

Sadly, you had no clue that the people who raised you may have been wounded, unaware, immature, or just ignorant at the time that you were learning about who you were. You were just an innocent child. Unfortunately, much of the pain that you experience in your life now, is caused by the negative programming you absorbed when you were a young child or infant.

How others saw you and treated you, is how you learned to see yourself because you were too young to negate it. Your self-image was locked into place by the time you were seven.

Most people are recreating their childhood in their adult lives, treating themselves like their parents treated them or from how their parents treated themselves. We are all adult children reacting to a set of beliefs that we adopted between age of 0-7.

All of these beliefs lie outside of your awareness.

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