When we are not allowed to feel our feelings, they become our pain.

It’s totally normal for all of us to feel uncomfortable with feeling and expressing our emotions.

From an early age we are taught that our feelings don’t matter; to stop being silly, get over it, stop imagining it, stop being so weak. We got the message that, we are not supposed to express our feelings or feel our pain. Whether we tried to tell our parents how we felt or simply ‘acted-them-out’ because we didn’t have the words to express them, they were often ignored as being unimportant or punished.

“As a society we have a long tradition of suppressing our feelings. Criticism and emotional abuse often follow when children express feelings that a society says are wrong. Boys are told that when they express sadness and cry, they’re weak and acting like, “little girls.” Such criticism may lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame which they learn to hide. Girls are told that expressing feelings of anger is unattractive and if they cry too much they’re a “cry-baby.” Children quickly learn that to express and acknowledge emotions is socially unacceptable and disapproved of. So, in an effort to appear ‘normal’ and accepted we bury our feelings and deny ever having them.”

Our Feelings speak to us, we should Listen.

Most of us grew up not knowing what to do with our feelings because nobody ever showed us. So, we sucked back our tears and stuffed our pain away inside our bodies. As we grew older we learned how to mask our ‘real feelings’ by putting on a happy face or expressing them as anger, one of the more ‘acceptable’ emotions to express in our society. Unexpressed, unresolved feelings and emotional pain doesn’t just disappear. It remains stuck in our bodies causing stress, physical pain, and disease until we have to finally listen.

Addictions and the link to unresolved feelings; the “Feel-Bad-Distract Cycle.”

No matter how good one’s external factors such as wealth, friends, and possessions are. If there is trauma stored in our subconscious mind, we cannot find peace. We cannot be truly happy. We cannot live freely. Instead, we will hunt for compensation. We’ll do anything to escape our thoughts. Silencing our inner child and squashing down our pain will harm us. We will develop all kinds of symptoms that distract us from our inner wounds: All types of addiction. Compulsive buying behaviour. Overworking. Anorexia. Physical symptoms are too, such as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and even cancer just to name a few.

Feelings are meant to be felt, even the painful ones.

Our feelings and our pain often carry important messages for us and need to be felt and understood so that we can understand ourselves better. They show us who we are and what’s important to us. They are there to guide our behaviour and motivate us to fulfil our needs, wants and desires. Not acknowledging our feelings results in us losing connection with ourselves and others.

All feelings are meant to be felt, even the painful ones. Sadness, fear, loneliness, anger, and guilt are all attempting to communicate with us. They each have a specific message related to a specific need, want or desire. Feeling ‘bad’ is a signal that some need is unmet. It’s a call to take action to satisfy that need. Unfortunately, rather than understanding what each of these feelings mean, most of us have been taught to avoid them and label them as ‘bad’ because they cause us discomfort.

A Link to Essay, “Our Feelings Speak to Us – We Should Listen” by Lisa Waldhart.

Feelings from the past

Many of the feelings that keep us stuck and stop us from living life the way we want, have originated in childhood and since, have long been forgotten. We can access these childhood perceptions and the pain they are still causing and change them using 5Path® Hypnotherapy. While we may not be able to undo past events, we can rewrite how we made sense of those events and correct any misperceptions we made as a young child.

Because most of us have been invalidated as children, we continue to invalidate ourselves by pretending our feelings don’t matter or trying to get away from them. Being able to witness our own pain and giving ourselves permission to feel it, brings us back to ourselves and enables us to feel good about who we are.

We were silenced as children, let’s stop silencing ourselves.

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